Life At Redline

Raw authenticity is the hardest thing in the world to do. And for me, one of the reasons I have for 20+ years worked to remind myself to just BE, is because that BEing has received the most negativity and criticism...and yet is the only self that is truly real. Everything else is only partial truth, if that.

I've heard it all since I was little, and if you only take one thing from my story, it's this — the things you're most protective of, most sensitive about, are the things that are the most real for you in your journey as a spiritual being having a human experience...

But instead of reacting defensively, or compensating by feeding your ego, just live real and openly and ignore the negativity, the mockery, the jokes, the put-downs, the snide comments, the backhanded complements, the comparisons, the gaslighting, the petty jealousy, AND the fluffery and brown-nosing. Feeding the ego can be just as damaging to a path of truth, and it goes hand in hand with being overly OCD and insecure.

There are a lot of mistakes in these recordings — but in an era of AI perfection, following generations of bubble-gum pop music production which tended to strip out the soul from the artists original vision, I will simply defend the decision to release it completely "as is", how I recorded it in 2007, as being purely human.

I mean, there's one part of a verse on track 2 (Mother Was Wrong) that I still hadn't even finished, but because I loved the song I stopped fighting it and just recorded it anyway. There are other songs I don't ideologically agree with anymore, there are songs I make a bunch of mistakes on, but what really brings me joy is that there's absolutely no more sense of cringe when I listen to these songs, or think about others hearing them.

If you hate them, or my playing, singing, style, whatever, no problem — move along and create your own art and give something positive to the world.

And if you love them, I also don't need to hear that — please enjoy them, find your inner authenticity and true purpose, and live every moment to the max.

I have been inspired by my mom who is in her 80's and putting her music out on tiktok, starting new projects to bring to life with a vision she's been working on since childhood —

it's been a poignant reminder that it's never too late, time doesn't exist anyway as we know it. So put it out there — you never know who may be positively impacted and what ripple effects that may have.

LIFE AT REDLINE

This album title was always the same, since at least 2004 I wanted my first album to be called Life At Redline because it's all I know how to do. People call me extreme, I'm hard on material things, I live hard, but I'm all or nothing and I prefer to be all-in which means passion, obsession, pedal to the metal...it's why my favorite athletes, besides GOATS like MJ and Brady, are people like Allen Iverson, Kobe, Russell Westbrook, people who have one speed, redline!

I love that but I know I've lost that in many ways over time, mostly because of the overcompensation issue — I haven't been living authentically, so it's much harder to be obsessed and max out the life RPM's when deep down inside I know it's mostly an act or it's being done for external reasons, not growing from a place of truth in myself.

This is for freedom from the past, because I want to be present with life, and I want to make music again. It's been many years since I've really done that...since I recorded this, honestly, and left America to explore the world on my own, I have sadly just left music behind entirely.

Unfortunately, I don't feel I can genuinely, authentically create the art I have within me — in many arenas, not only music — if I am not willing to share imperfect works. Especially with 2 decades of distance from them lol.

But out of a hundred or more songs that I wrote during my 20's, these moved me the most. There are a few others that I wrote on guitar that I would have included but I unfortunately wasn't able to find the recordings, so for now they'll remain on ice.

Ultimately though I am a piano-first musician anyway. Well, I was — ha! During these years I have only played for a few minutes at a time when I could steal some alone time with a piano and was sure nobody was listening, but I also never let myself go again as I did during this time period, when I would often sit at the piano for 5, 6, 10 hours at a time sometimes just trying to pull feelings out through my fingertips and embed them into the keys.

I haven't done that, honestly, since I recorded all this. Way too painful, too impractical, too unmanly, unbusinesslike, whatever you want to pile on there.

Except, those are all lies. No matter how much of a tough guy you are, no matter how sophisticated, no matter how rich and successful at your business — the best music you enjoy was likely all written by artists with profoundly deep emotion, who feel spectrums in this natural world that logical minds might not even know exist.

And that's ok — there's no judgment. Just know that whether you're complaining about cookie-cutter McMansions or soulless radio jingles, at the root of that faux production is an overreaching cultural shame that has snuffed out the lights of many brilliant artists who otherwise would have given the world myriad creations of genuine inspiration.

The shaming of those who the cool kids deem as lesser-than because of their weirdness or quirks, is in many ways responsible for the dearth of pure human art today.

Which is also why those truly brave souls completely willing to live in their own skin, often make a massive impact in short order, because their light is so rare, their flame so bright.

I have been cowardly and hidden behind façades. I have not been one of those people, though I always have and still do admire them.

But I believe we are ALL gifted with the ability, and the responsibility, to create. It is unquestionably at the heart of my purpose on this earth. And it must be authentic to be real, to be truth, to be connected and flowing from the Divine.

Selfishly, I share this music because I need to break the chains that for so long have bound me into false identities and kept me from allowing the true self whom I am and know, to appear.

Because that Joshua David was raw, emotional, with a level of passion that few could understand or accept.

Today's Josh still is as well, but two things have happened:

1) With earthly age and maturity, earned through a determined obsession with learning, growth, and personal evolution, I am a different man

2) Plant medicine has brought healing and understanding of the playful lessons of Life and eventual transition of death in ways that must be experienced to be fully understood. Suffice it to say I would probably have gone to my grave without ever sharing my authentic self fully, let alone imperfect emo piano music haha, if it weren't for the work and integration I have done with psychedelics.

Make of that what you will, but the beautiful thing for me at this point is that it no longer affects me. In all sincerity, I would rather be dead than live inauthentically any longer. Thus this is a non-negotiable, particularly if you know me personally. I'm not doing it any longer, and you can choose the route you want to take with that.

I have much more music buried within me that I want to create — but it has been blocked by my inability to let go of my false pride, my unwillingness to stand alone, naked to the soul, in front of the world.

Now we're past that point. It's a wonderful relief, a peaceful place to be. And that's the goal — to just BE.

Shame, and fear, and anger, are low frequencies, the opposite of where most of us would prefer to dwell. How though, to live at the higher echelon of love, peace, and joy in a world that seems architected to systematically destroy those states of being?

Authenticity, through knowing yourself, loving yourself, and seeking every moment to maximize yourself.

Being real is the most freeing thing you can do — all the more if you can be JOYFULLY REAL.

And trust me when I say, I'm the LAST person who ever though he'd be talking about joy — but I don't mean shallow, surface-level, superficial happiness. I mean real joy, the kind you'll find in a dog's wagging tail or a baby's uncontrollable laughter.

When you come to know yourself in that way, accept yourself to that extent, and as I growled on track 3 say "for all I am, I'm NOT SORRY", then you're on your way to true liberty from the pressures and identities of this prison planet.

It's taken me 40 years to figure this out, but...

All there is, are lessons.

So nothing matters,

and everything matters,

because all there is are lessons.